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"Life and Living It"
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I had been talking on the phone for hours when the person i had been talking with ran out of phone battery. He said we should just chat on the net since he didn't have a spare battery. So i said with a happy, "yes" and busied myself by smoothening my looks (I didn't want the lady at the internet cafe to see my bedroom look). And with a thumbs up, proceeded by hastily running down the corridor of my home...and then for a second...everything blacked out...the next thing i could remember was a sharp pain on my head and an excruciating pain on my kneecaps that addled me...i had slipped and hit my head.

Everything happens in a blur in life. One minute we are the happiest person in this world with all the sunshine like smiles and the great aura...and the next thing we know...we are the saddest with all the tears. The unpredictabilty of life always gets the best of us and that we never know, the next corner we go to could be our last.

Split second changes should surprise us anymore and that we should be prepared at all times so that we could alleviate the damage it might cause us. Vigilance is a must in this life and that if we become lax even for a second...we might get into a world of hurt.

No rest for the wicked...

Current Location: Sunrise Hill
Current Mood: drunk
Current Music: "Calm before the Storm" by Fallout boy

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We can't help it but at times we succumb to self pity and regret...all of us have experienced this maybe once or twice in life and maybe even more than we can bear.

Pitying ones self is considered bad since we should always be thankful with what we have and live with it. However there are ties where we just can't take what lady destiny has bestowed upon us and start cursing fate for giving us such.

The man Job, in the bible, would have been the first to say such. He should have self-pitied back then. But then as any other biblical character would do, he was steadfast and lived his life the way it should be.

We are no biblical character because if we were, we would have been canonized already like all the men and women in the books.

I did not say that I curse God or whatever but i can't just help but self pity from time to time and wish life would have been better. All of us want a better life to begin with right? I mean who doesn't?

I love my life with its flaws and downs but of course, completely eradicating sadness is impossible let alone ideal. We can never be happy all the time 24/7. It takes sadness to know real happiness.

Right now, I'm happy...really but i just can't help waking up in bed and wondering if life could be better.

Life could be better...believe me...but it really doesn't matter how we put things anyways...it is how things put us. Fate and destiny will always have a say on things...

Current Location: Sunrise Hill
Current Mood: ditzy
Current Music: "Lying is the best thing a girl..." by Panic at the Disco

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We expect the best things in life...or at least we want things to be perfect. Yes, we convince ourselves countless times that we don't want things to be perfect and that imperfections are ok...but honestly, do we really want second best?

We all strive to be the top student in class or aspire to be one. We all want the biggest slice of that sumptuous pizza. We all want to win the 6 digit lottery and not settle for 5. We want to be first in line when receiving something good...we want what is best in life.

Nothing is wrong with this...it is practically normal and human nature to want the best. But then we ask ourselves, is it worth the effort to succeed and have somebody stomped on in the end?

Then we ask ourselves, what really is the best thing in life? Money? Tons and tons of that sweet smelling paper that could buy us material possession? Or is it education? The way out of poverty, people say. Or is it love? That feeling of security and companionship seems to always get the best of us.

What is it really? The best thing in life?

Well, we will never know for sure...because it's subjective. It is like answering what makes us truly happy and the devout christians would say that being one with God make us truly happy but for the atheist, he would say otherwise.

For me, maybe the best thing in life is trying to figure out what really is the best thing in life to begin with. What makes me say so? Because it makes everything much sweeter. Comparing an experience or sensation with another makes life worth living...

Knowing the fact that the piece of cake I am eating right now would never taste as great as the next one make you look forward to tomorrow. Knowing that this tingling feeling of love I am feeling right now will never be as good as the next. Knowing the this anger that I am feeling right now will never be as mind-blowing as the next. Knowing that this sadness that I am feeling right now will never be as painful as the next.

Sometimes we have to realize that the mystery of life that we are experiencing and looking answers for makes life worth living...

Current Location: Sunrise Hill
Current Mood: angry
Current Music: "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" by Panic At the Disco

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A business accountancy major and also a good friend of mine once told me..."High risk...high return".

True enough in the business realm and in any job opportunity that may come our way follows this mantra...with a high risk...comes a high return. Life threatening jobs, like the navy or the marines perhaps could yield a lot of cash...but this might cause our life and inevitably the happiness of the people around us. A high yielding business franchise perhaps could make us earn more in just a few months but if left unattended could lead to our bankruptcy and our demise.

"High risk...high return"

The promise of never ending grandeur of getting what we want may be blinding but we should first check if we can handle the risk...

But what if we can't handle the consequences of our "risk". Does it stop us from taking that "risk".

In this life I have come to realize that everything is a "do or die situation" to begin with. Taking a course ion college and planning where to study is a risk. Eating that sumptuous and mouth watering Tiramisu cake may yield high returns for any cake lover but it's risk on our bellies could be threatening. The risk in any new relationship we make with a single individual is a high risk that could lead to a heartbreaking..heart stopping situation but the return of comfort and love is high.

Taking a risk...we all have to deal with it...and pay it's consequences whether we like it or not. Everything is a game...a game where we risk...and could just possibly win that 1million dollars but could end up a loser in the end. How we play the game is entirely up to us.

Risking leads to vulnerability and vulnerability leads to pain...a pain so shattering it could kill us...

However....sometimes...we just want to risk it. May it be a losing battle with the person you love...or a never ending battle between what is right or what is wrong...

All I can say is..."Use your mind...but follow your heart."

Because if we do just that...we surely will get the ball in the hoop.

Current Location: Sunrise Hill
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: "My Destiny" by Katharine Mcphee

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Saying the word “sorry” really is the hardest thing to say. People find it hard to say that 5 letter word and if they do muster the courage to say so, it’s even harder meaning it. Why ,you may ask, is it so hard to say it? It is because in every conflict we think that we are the victim…the person who was offended…the martyr.

I have always told people and even believed in it myself that in every fight, both parties are to blame. It is not simply who was more offended or who started it all but both of you did something wrong and it doesn’t matter anymore who was more oppressed.

A lot of people would say that it was the other person fault because of this and that but they forget to see that they have done something wrong too. Dynamite wouldn’t explode all by itself without someone actually lighting the fuse, right? And it is because of this mentality that a conflict isn’t resolved at the quickest of times.

No matter how small a mistake is, it is still after a mistake nonetheless. We might forget that that small mistake is everything to the other person. And thus we do not understand the whole root of the conflict leading to further misunderstanding.

And what worse, people have grown to wait…wait for their “person who have a conflict with” to approach them and be the one to start apologizing. People convince themselves that they have done their part already and that it is now up to the other person to do their part as well. Why settle meeting on the line between the limbo of war and peace? When did taking the whole 9 yards become so difficult and thus we rest with two 4.5s?

At first I thought that it was solely pride that was hindering people to take the necessary course of action. But then recently I realized that it is “rejection”. The fear of leaving logic behind, beating all odds and becoming vulnerable at the same time by mustering courage to say we are sorry without waiting for a half-filled glass scares people and impairs them. The idea that when they approach the person they have come into conflict with and that the person disregards them and rejects them is so scary that they would settle for a half won race.

But then this is only normal. I have met so many “I don’t care about that person” or “I don’t need him anyways” type of people that I, myself am scared too. But then again I think that maybe our friendship is all worth it that I am ready to be hurt once again if ever he does not forgive me.

It is in fact also hard to forgive anyways. Which is more difficult, you may ask, saying we’re sorry or forgiving? My answer would be both at same time…because If we look closer, we both forgive and say sorry simultaneously.

We are not God. It is really hard to forgive. And if we do forgive…forgetting is just as hard. People say that past wounds would eventually heal…but then again what if the wounds are so deep that it leaves a scar…a scar that will forever remind us of the dull pain in our hearts.

A conflict with a person you love (may it be any form of love not necessarily referring to a deep relationship) may be compared to a dagger lodged in your body. If you wait, not remove the dagger, and just be nonchalant…you would die of internal hemorrhage. But if you remove the dagger right away without proper healing…you’d die of excessive bleeding.

As for me, I say remove the dagger…love is that too much special to lose.

I don’t mind being stabbed by a dagger, heal and have a scar that would forever remind me of the pain…as long as the person I have a conflict with would be there: stitching me up and offering a bandage…


This entry is dedicated to my “Kuya” in Molave…You know who you are…

Current Location: sunrise Hill room 106
Current Mood: disappointed
Current Music: "Hemorrhage" by Chris Daughtry

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Sometimes, I do not know anymore which is real or which is only a figment of my imagination. People say I have the “Sixth Sense” or something like that but deep inside I wish I’m delirious.

Yes people, just like in any Japanese horror movie or in any horror movie for that matter, I can see (and hear and feel etc.) dead people.

I wish the ghosts I see are only figments of my imagination but then again, at that instant when I do see one, it seems so REAL. Some people may not believe me but I really am telling the truth and I myself wish all the ghost experience I encounter are fakes.

First Encounter: The Kid with the School Uniform

The very first ghost encounter I experienced was way back then first year high school. I had already gone to bed and woke up in the middle of the night but then I noticed there was a person standing at the corner of my room who was wearing our P.E. school uniform. At first I thought it was just my imagination and I closed my eyes but then when I resumed to opening it, the person was still there…standing at the corner of the room. The next week I told my English Teacher which was also my class adviser by the way about the whole ghost thing and she told me the most startling news of all…somebody had just died in our school the other week.

Creepiest Experience: Time Warp

My creepiest experience with a ghost would probably be at Kalayaan Residence Hall back when I was still a College Freshman. I was room hopping at Room 113 (yes, room 113…13….creepy ain’t it?) which was the room of my friend Dan Palitayan.

It was already past 12mn when I decided to go back to my room. I left Dan who was reading the book entitled “Lestat” (I was also reading with him by the way and I noticed the page of the book he was currently reading before I went away). Back in my room I fell asleep but then woke up at the middle of the night.

I decided to go back to sleep again because I noticed it was still dark out. But then the instant I closed my eyes, I heard a faint scream on my ears and worse…it started to become louder and finally it was as if somebody was screaming in m y ears. I tried to pray the Lord’s Creed but I kept confusing it with “Bless us O’ Lord” (yeah am not the religious type). The screaming had stopped but I was afraid to get out of the room.

I resumed to sleep but then again the moment I closed my eyes, the screaming came back but this time, it was as if somebody was strangling me. Yes, something was strangling me…I felt a pressure on my neck. Luckily, it all stopped and I finally mustered the courage to get out of the room to go back to my friend’s room.

When I arrived at Dan’s room, I was surprised he was still awake and was still reading the book he had been reading. Dan was surprised to see me back so soon…he said that I had only left the room for a second or so and came back immediately. As I approached him, I found out he was telling the truth….I noticed the page of the book he had been reading…it was the same page he had been reading when I left.

Latest Experience: Sunrise Hill Room 106

This happened last June 22 2006. I had moved in to my own place and luckily, I live only adjacent to my cousin’s place, Luigi. I had been hanging out at their place playing Tales of Destiny with Kevin. It was already 4am when we decided to hit the sacks. So I went out their room to sleep in mine. I was surprised when I saw a woman near the fire exit in our apartment building. She was just standing and staring as if oblivious of the fact that I was looking at her. She was wearing an all black dress (yes, I remember her wearing a black dress and not something casual) and had relatively long black hair. I was startled but disregarded it anyways. I immediately went inside my room closing my unit and closed both the doors that led to my room. Still unable to sleep (I’m a certified insomniac and has a sleeplessness disorder), I turned my lamp on and proceeded to read a magazine. In the middle of my reading, I heard a deep baritone voice coming from the window. I was pretty sure that the voice came from there as both my doors leading to the outside were both closed. It was calling out to a person I knew…Lou. Lou was one of my cousin’s roommates. The voice was so audible and deep that I was so scared that I decided to sleep right away.

Little did I remember that one of my friends, Iskra, who was also now living in Sunrise Hill told me that an employee of the building told her that a guy had committed suicide in my unit. He had incidentally jumped out the window…

Current Location: Sunrise Hill room 107
Current Mood: crazy
Current Music: "Undiscovered" by Ashlee Simpson

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Current Location: Sunrise Hill
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Hunter X Hunter Greed Island Ova 1 soundtrack

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This is the chapter 1 of the book I'm starting. It doesn't have a title yet so I temporarily entitled it "No Title yet"...weird ain't it?

I haven't copyread it yet so pardon the mistakes. The book/novel is still at its drafts so...it ain't perfect.

Chapter 1 is where i establish the background of the whole book so it's more of a "describe the environment" chapter...here goes...

Chapter 1: The beginning of a new year

It was the autumn of 2005 where the leaves of the Fire Trees were at their bereavement and the flight of the migratory birds marked the start of yet another busy season for the citizens of Charleston off the west coast of Seattle. It was as it has always been the start of a new semester at school.

Brentwood Abbey had always been known to be one of the top universities of the state not being far off from Brown, Harvard nor Berkeley. Students throughout the country seek coveted spots to learn from the brightest of minds hoping to become more successful in their future life. It was not only Charleston’s pride but also Washington’s glory.

Though the winds this year were quite chilly that one could instantaneously feel the condensation of the air during breathing, it did not stop the students of Brentwood from practicing their yearly routine especially to the residents of Xavier Hall.

Xavier Hall was one of three dormitories of Brentwood for students living far away from home but unlike the other two, it was the only dormitory housing both the sexes. It was named after Xavier Forthright, one of the founders of Brentwood who fought for gender equality in the academic realm and thus it was only just that the dormitory be coed. If it was not, it would have been an insult to Mr. Forthright.

It had been early in the morning when Austin came down from his uncle’s jaguar clad in a red sweater with red being Brentwood’s school colors. He had been tired from the flight he had taken to get there from California. Being from the east coast, he shuddered from the feel off the cold air in his ears and gave a long heave. “This is gonna be a long year.” he said with a sad look in his face.

It was specifically sad for Austin as he had been assigned by the dormitory manager to be the head of the welcome committee for the new sophomore residents of Xavier. Aside from the tedious task he had to undertake, it was also his last year in college, an event he had dreaded most in life.

“Bye Uncle June! You better get home before Aunt Emily gets Mad.”, Austin said with a forced smile. “Sure you won’t need any help with your things? God may have given you the brains but he didn’t exactly give you the strength of Hercules you know?” joked Uncle June. True enough, when Austin looked at his mounds of boxes and bags he was already weak in the knees. He was slim and feeble, Austin knew that by heart and there was no point arguing.

“I’ll just have someone pick these up. Don’t worry about it okay? Go home okay?” said Austin. With these words Uncle June was gone as fast as he said goodbye.

Austin began walking the path towards the glass doors of the dormitory taking in the view of the place he had called home for 3 years now. He noted that the plants needed trimming and the large pillars at front were newly painted for the new semester. The elaborate photoelectric glass doors that opened on its own will seemingly sensing people entering, he noted also needed more cleaning. He had also noticed a few boys struggling with large boxes filled with dormitory stuffs. “Those are new residents.” Austin saying to himself. He spotted a girl vigorously raking strewn clothes; obviously experiencing a luggage mishap.

Austin approached the dormitory counter where the security guard was sitting with a furrow on her brows. Weirdly, Xavier Hall’s guard on duty also served as receptionist which up to this day Austin finds odd.

“Hello Ms. Kelly! How was your summer? How come you’re brooding over there?” Austin whispered to the lady at her early-forties wearing the standard security guard uniform.

“Hi Austin! I’m fine really.” the security guard said quickly.

“Uhmm, how come I find that so untrue?” jested Austin. “What’s bothering you really?”

“You want to know the truth? It’s those new second year residents? They are all over the place! They don’t know what the standard procedures are and what’s worse is that they bring their parents to do all the talking!” said Ms. Kelly now starting to raise her voice.

“Oh…don’t you think that’s kinda exciting? New faces, new blood?” Austin said to Ms. Kelly hoping to relieve the stress she’s feeling. Ms Kelly, though she would let an old resident get away from violations sometimes, had always been short-tempered with new residents.

“I just hope they’ll learn quickly. I bid the head of the welcome committee this year good luck. He’s gonna have a long year I tell you. With all the tears and bloodshed he has to undergo. Not to mention the welcome night he has to organize and the sigsheet making and designing!” laughed Ms. Kelly. It was kind of odd seeing the expression of the woman changing from anger to laughter in a split second. It was like seeing a circus freak show.

“Uhmm, Ms. Kelly, I’m gonna be heading this year’s welcome committee.” Austin said with both a mixture of reluctance and optimism; two things that never mix.

“Oh my! I’m sorry, dear. Maybe things will look up right?” Ms. Kelly said right away hoping to ease the boy’s worry. The table seems to have turned with the woman now trying to relieve the stress the boy was feeling.

“Will you be needing the list of new residents already? The dormitory manager has it now. I can give it to you now if you want.” Ms Kelly said.

“I’ll get them later. Right now I just want to find someone to carry my things to my room so that I could fix my bed and get some rest. Maybe I’ll just have one of the maintenance people carry my bags right?” Austin said.

“I really don’t know about that Austin because they’re busy fixing the pipes right now. Sorry about that.” Ms Kelly said with a glum. She knew this boy had enough bad news for one day.

“Oh that’s okay. I’m sure Dan would be able to help me out.” Austin replied not knowing quite sure if Dan would be willing to help.

Dan had been Austin’s best friend for 3 years now. They had met in Xavier Hall in their sophomore years and had been friends ever since. They were also of the same major that’s why this has made them closer. Like Austin, Dan was also feeble that’s why Austin could help but give a small laugh imagining both of them carrying all his things. It looked as if they were ants carrying cobs of corn bigger than their bodies.

“Bad news, Austin, Dan’s still not here yet.” Ms. Kelly said.

“I think I had enough bad news for today. I can’t carry my things up which means I can’t rest and I still have to arrange a meeting for the welcome committee and design the sigsheets as well as meet with all the old dormers to plan the welcome night. I think I’m gonna faint!” Austin said remembering pretty well that he was the type of person who fainted easily. Maybe it was because he was anemic and the worst place he ever fainted was at the dormitory parking lot. People had to call the University hospital which was luckily only three blocks away. “I’ll just carry my things myself Ms. Kelly. I think I can handle them. I’d rather toil hard than have my bags freeze in the cold.”

Austin said goodbye to Ms. Kelly and began the long walk going back to where he left his things. As he exited the dormitory doors, more people were headed the opposite way beginning their dorm preparations such as looking for room assignments and looking at the monthly season calendar. Austin remembered he also had to prepare this month’s welcome party as well which means more work for the young man.

Outside, he rubbed both his hands together for friction to ease the pain the cold air was giving. It was still beginning of autumn and yet it was as cold as winter. Austin did not like this one bit.

He picked up the largest of the bags he had brought with him. For Austin, it weighed almost a ton knowing pretty well it contained pretty much all his school books. He gave it a strong yank but it seems to have moved only a millimeter. Austin cursed in his breath swearing he should work out more this year.

After a few more heaving and pushing, Austin finally gave up the ordeal knowing he could never win the battle and sat on the luggage which pretty much won over his strength.

Austin felt exhausted both from the flight and the hour drive from the airport to Brentwood that he swore he could sleep then and there. He was now pretty much oblivious to the fact that he would be sleeping at the cold dormitory walkway.

Now almost falling asleep and dreaming of sunny Newport, California where he grew up and tasting the salty blue beach water of the marina instead of the cold icy wind of Charleston, he had almost given up the resistance not to sleep.

He had dreamt of home until he was brought back to reality with a tap on the back…

end of chapter 1

Current Location: Sunrise Hill
Current Mood: embarrassed
Current Music: "Invincible" by Christian Bautista

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Writing down your life in a diary or a piece of paper during boring times in class is hard enough and pretty much tiresome. Memories come and go and we find it hard to recall the good old days without obliterating the harsh memories we also have.

Memories can pretty much be segregated into two, like food: tasty meals and down right gross meals.

Tasty meals are those you'd love to eat all over again and savor the taste in your mouth for a while not wanting the sensation in your mouth that fills you with ecstasy to go away. These are the memories in our lives that we do not want to let go...people we do not want to let go...events that we do not want to let go. Why? Because it is what makes life worth living and it gives us hope...that in the end things are going to be okay and that we'll somehow sail on and survive the trip called "life" unscathed.

Down right gross meals are those that we just can't stop hating. Food that we can live without and just forget about. Maybe like spinach or vegetables (I just hate vegetables!). These are the food that we would gladly trade our classmates back in gradeschool during recess times. Trading a homemade sandwich for some junkfood is every kid's dream. These are the memories that we just want to block out completely in our lives and the memories that are so traumatizing and sad that recalling even a second of that experience would just want to make us grab a knife perhaps and stab ourselves 1500 times. Memories that had once devastated us and made life not worth living.

Why you may ask am I saying all these things? It's because in the past i have been quite hesitant to write a blog because i just didn't want to remember the sad days in my life and that writing a blog would make it harder for me to live my life.

But then i realized i have learned so much in life and have helped so many people with the help of my experience (AS IF...hehehe) that maybe just maybe...hopefully...that both my happy and sad memories could help someone out there too...

Because in reality...we can never really taste the sweetness of life without tasting its bitterness.

Current Location: Sunrise Hill
Current Mood: embarrassed

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